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Some vulnerable bi thoughts for you this morning. It's long, but it matters:
Inspired by both Eugene from the Try Guys and my bomb-ass friend Anya.
So I'd say a good 90% of the people in my life know that I identify with the labels of bisexual and pansexual. If you don't know and you're finding out now, where the heck have you been? LOL! For now and because I've been feeling it more recently, I am going to use bi for the rest of this post.
I have literally always been attracted to more than one gender, but I didn't have a label for it until 8th/9th grade. My friends group at the time talked about our identities in that manner, and I identified as 'bi-curious' until I realized (quite quickly, mind) that I was not curious but full on attracted to genders similar and different than my own. This was further confirmed by a summer fling I had - though that person remains the only femme I have ever been with in a capacity other than friends.
The older I got the more vocal I was about my sexuality. I brought it up whenever I felt it was appropriate for a few reasons: I wanted to validate myself, I had absolutely zero interest in hiding a real part of myself, and I hoped that by doing so, I could give someone else the courage to be who they were. I'm glad I did, and I'm still open about myself and wouldn't change it for the world.
But...that's not to say it's been easy. I am well aware that the label LGBTQIA includes bisexual. But there are a number of reasons I still have self doubt which, unfortunately, has grown recently. There's a lot more biphobia than I thought - from the cishet community as well as the LGBTQ+ community. Here are some of the reasons I've doubted myself:
1. I have only ever been in longterm relationships with men/masc leaning people.
2. I don't remember being in specific danger due to my sexuality. Yes, I have been told I was going to hell. Yes, there were rumors. Yes, there was some discomfort hearing certain family members say they didn't agree. But I never faced bullying nor high amounts of physical/emotional trauma due to my sexuality.
3. My attraction to different genders feels different and varies fluidly. This, I sometimes worry, means that I'm not "really" attracted to anyone other than men.
4. If I am with someone, I am not constantly craving the gender they're not. I have never truly understood why this was a requirement for bisexuality by some people, but it unfortunately is.
5. I feel very often that I am not gay enough because I am in a closed, monogamous relationship with a guy. It's as if I need to constantly be ogling girls, guys, and non binary people to prove who I am. Otherwise, I'm just 'straight'.
6. That I'm choosing straight relationship (It's not. If one or more people in the relationship are not straight, it cannot be a straight relationship). Call it M/F, call it opposite gender, but it's not straight. I'm also not choosing a relationship like that for any particular reason - I simply fell in love with someone.
7. That bisexuality is a stepping stone for being gay. Hell, I even saw comments about this on Eugene Y.'s coming out video, because people were claiming he was bisexual. Actually, he never labeled his sexuality specifically until more recently, and people (including myself) were projecting bi-ness onto him.
8. That I'm needing to be polyamorous or open to be satisfied. I really don't. I'm a 'one person' type of femme, and I absolutely support my polyam peers, but that is not a requirement for being bi, pan, omni, etc!
In other words, I am super duper not in a phase. I do not need to present anyone with an itemized list of who I've crushed on or been in a relationship with to prove who I am. I don't need to tell you what percentage of attraction I have to the beautiful myriad of gender identities in this world.
Robyn Ochs said it best: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”
That's it. That is the requirement for being bi. There is nothing more. So if you're reading this and you are questioning, doubting, or feeling off about who you are, that's okay. It's okay to not know. It's also okay to identify as bisexual no matter whether you're monog or polyam, whether you lean toward guys girls or nonbinary people, whether you have types or not, no matter the experience you have. I, and you, are valid.
Here are some things I've drawn
And here are some things drawn for me, by others!
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